Friday, December 24, 2004
COMMENTARY: Immortal In Music ("Mas Xmas!")
by Don Rose
It was coming for weeks.
Now it's here.
Hear it? Here, there and everywhere?
It was coming for weeks.
Now it's here.
Hear it? Here, there and everywhere?
It's in malls. Halls. Decked with boughs of holly (hint, hint).
Yes, it's CHRISTMAS SONGS.
(Or, if you are one of the politically correct masses: HOLIDAY CLASSICS.)
Yes, it's CHRISTMAS SONGS.
(Or, if you are one of the politically correct masses: HOLIDAY CLASSICS.)
If you want to be immortal, simple. Sing one of these babies.
Or write one.
Your creation will be played constantly.
Every year, forever and ever, evermore, everlasting.
In stores, on shores, you'll be adored -- even in ads -- ad infinitum.
Have a Christmas hit.
Just sell a little bit.
And they will bring you back.
You can be sure of that.
Want proof?
Well... know who Burl Ives is?
He's not had a hit in decades, been forgotten by many --
but one song keeps him comin' back every year.
Like clockwork, his "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" returns.
Trotted out, dusted off, and played over and over.
Why?
Sure, it's a sweet catchy ditty.
About Christmas.
If it wasn't, would he ever get airplay today?
Compete with Coldplay? Completely cray-zay.
Same thing with Como 'n Crosby.
Coupla cool cooing crooners, cometh back big but once a year.
Of course, "musimmortality" works for other holidays too.
Anything annual will do.
Or write one.
Your creation will be played constantly.
Every year, forever and ever, evermore, everlasting.
In stores, on shores, you'll be adored -- even in ads -- ad infinitum.
Have a Christmas hit.
Just sell a little bit.
And they will bring you back.
You can be sure of that.
Want proof?
Well... know who Burl Ives is?
He's not had a hit in decades, been forgotten by many --
but one song keeps him comin' back every year.
Like clockwork, his "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" returns.
Trotted out, dusted off, and played over and over.
Why?
Sure, it's a sweet catchy ditty.
About Christmas.
If it wasn't, would he ever get airplay today?
Compete with Coldplay? Completely cray-zay.
Same thing with Como 'n Crosby.
Coupla cool cooing crooners, cometh back big but once a year.
Of course, "musimmortality" works for other holidays too.
Anything annual will do.
Take Bobby Pickett.
Who, you say?
Let me rephrase. Bobby "BORIS" Pickett.
That's right -- the man behind the "Monster Mash".
Trotted out, dusted off, played over and over -- each Halloween.
But nothing matches the aural resurrectorial power of Christmas.
So if you want everlasting fame,
musical royalties up the wazoo,
for you and your kin,
write a catchy -- and, hopefully, moderate-to-high-selling -- holiday ditty.
They, we, will play you forever and ever, for eternity.
You don't even need a catchy title.
Of course, "Christmas Wrapping" (Rapping?) by the Waitresses IS a catchy dual-meaning title.
(By WHO, you say? I think we covered this.
And guess who covered it: yes, the Spice Girls.)
A fun great tune, NPR just did a piece on it,
20+ years of annual replaying, well deserved.
Who, you say?
Let me rephrase. Bobby "BORIS" Pickett.
That's right -- the man behind the "Monster Mash".
Trotted out, dusted off, played over and over -- each Halloween.
But nothing matches the aural resurrectorial power of Christmas.
So if you want everlasting fame,
musical royalties up the wazoo,
for you and your kin,
write a catchy -- and, hopefully, moderate-to-high-selling -- holiday ditty.
They, we, will play you forever and ever, for eternity.
You don't even need a catchy title.
Of course, "Christmas Wrapping" (Rapping?) by the Waitresses IS a catchy dual-meaning title.
(By WHO, you say? I think we covered this.
And guess who covered it: yes, the Spice Girls.)
A fun great tune, NPR just did a piece on it,
20+ years of annual replaying, well deserved.
But Torme-titled "The Christmas Song"? Sounds boring and generic. No matter; Mel knew what he was doing: TCS became one of the most loved Xmas tunes of all time. (Yes, Mel Torme penned it, but ironically his version is hardly played; one of the most covered songs of all time, the most popular pop version is Nat King Cole's.)
"Don", you ask, "does the tune have to be catchy?"
Nope. Just write the dang thing already.
It can be even be odd.
Wacky instead of catchy.
Chipmunks caroling helium-voiced? No problemo -- big hit.
Then there's that duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby --
you can see it at the Museum of TV and Radio in LA right now, and on the occasional special.
Now, I ask you, would such a pair appear at any other time of year?
Okay, maybe at a benefit for Africa or something involving Bono --
but otherwise, no.
Why the need for all these Christmas songs?
Well, there are all these Christmas radio marathons to fill up
(which used to start maybe a week before Dec 25,
but now seem to start around Labor Day).
Nope. Just write the dang thing already.
It can be even be odd.
Wacky instead of catchy.
Chipmunks caroling helium-voiced? No problemo -- big hit.
Then there's that duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby --
you can see it at the Museum of TV and Radio in LA right now, and on the occasional special.
Now, I ask you, would such a pair appear at any other time of year?
Okay, maybe at a benefit for Africa or something involving Bono --
but otherwise, no.
Why the need for all these Christmas songs?
Well, there are all these Christmas radio marathons to fill up
(which used to start maybe a week before Dec 25,
but now seem to start around Labor Day).
Want me to recommend more holiday hits? Okay:
The Peanuts "Lucy and Linus" piano instrumental by Vince Guaraldi.
(Excellent tune, and the middle rhythmic change is a bouncy delight.)
Grandma got runover by a Reindeer
(Used to hate it, but it grew on me. Like mold).
Christmas at Ground Zero
(Weird Al jumps on the Xmas gravy train).
Blue Christmas
(Leave it to Elvis to rockify Xmas in a folksy bluesy way).
The Peanuts "Lucy and Linus" piano instrumental by Vince Guaraldi.
(Excellent tune, and the middle rhythmic change is a bouncy delight.)
Grandma got runover by a Reindeer
(Used to hate it, but it grew on me. Like mold).
Christmas at Ground Zero
(Weird Al jumps on the Xmas gravy train).
Blue Christmas
(Leave it to Elvis to rockify Xmas in a folksy bluesy way).
Trivia: do you know the highest selling album of the entire fifties decade?
Right: THE ELVIS CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
Right: THE ELVIS CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
So, the only real question left is:
Why didn't the greatest band of all time, Los BEATLES, ever do an official Christmas album?
Why didn't the greatest band of all time, Los BEATLES, ever do an official Christmas album?
Sure, they did very amusing and fun Xmas messages each year, for fans only (perhaps Apple 'n Capitol will one day remaster and repackage those for mass consumption). But I believe that maybe, just maybe, the Fab Four didn't want to do what everyone else did. Sinatra, Elvis, every huge act always did the Xmas thing. By not doing, this was yet another thing to set the Beatles apart.
Of course, the solo Beatles DID release several Xmas songs. Some were even hits. But then, everyone knows temptation is harder to resist without a group around you. (So go ahead, eat that last piece of turkey, no one is looking!)
And you never know, Beatlemaniacs -- a briefcase full of tossed Xmas treasures might still be sitting in a garage somewhere, a day away from eBay.
Then again, it might just be "Freddie and the Dreamers" doing "Silent Night and other Holiday Classics".
Buyer beware.
Then again, it might just be "Freddie and the Dreamers" doing "Silent Night and other Holiday Classics".
Buyer beware.
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And have a great holiday.
